The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we
were running from.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
The calmer I appear, the more dangerous I am.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one...what's your plan?
The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
I wasn't ignoring you. I had to walk my turtle.
Why do we use our blankets as shields at night? Like is the monster gonna be like ” oh crap…..they have a
blanket..RRRUUUUNNN!!!!”
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly.
Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those ones magically live forever!
90% of the ocean remains unexplored and y'all telling me mermaids don’t exist? Screw you.
The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. You think you're cool, you think you're classy. Reality Check:
You're really trashy.
I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith
in other people.